As the water falls
the birds sing
a rainbow grows
as if it were a dream
the sun shines
high in the sky
I look up
and birds fly
roses wet with dew
dripping from the petals
I hear a whistle
like a tea kettle
a wisp of wind
blows my hair
I look over
and notice you stare
as you walk behind me
and take my hand
you replace my promise ring
with a wedding band
as you hold me close
my heart calls
we stand together
as the water falls

Each war is won, with the courage inside,
Of the countless fight, and the struggle to survive,
As the weak they fall, with the strength all gone,
And the torment of, each forgotten song,

But each day we rise, to the challenge we look,
And the thought of failure, like an open book,
As we strive to beat, each challenge within,
In our armour of drive, and our will to live,

Like the mountains high, we all gasp in awe,
With each task so hard, as we fight and claw,
Can there be no end, to this savage fight,
Will retirement bring, only death or light…

As the world falls around me
nothing feels right
it’s as though I’m in hell
as I cry myself to sleep at night
I feel as thought the world’s against me
watching my every move
as the world falls around me
there’s nothing I can do
I feel like I’ve been betrayed
like nobody cares
as the world falls around me
and everybody glares
there’s wars around the world
nobody wants to fight
as the world falls around me
nothing seems right
all we see in other people is color
personality doesn’t matter
as the world falls around me
there’s so much gossip and chatter
money and fame is what you need
it doesn’t seem fair
as the world falls around me
nobody seems to care
there’s not enough love
everybody seems to hate
as the world falls around me
nobody tries to make it straight
the world is falling around me
nothing feels right
I know I’m in hell
as I cry myself to sleep at night

My world’s falling apart
But the way you loved me
keeps me holding on
For what’s coming I want to see
Our love is now gone
But it was once great
I know we had fun
although it’s too late
We once walked through life
hand in hand
Where you took me to
our promised land
I dwell on the way
Things used to be
The world was centered around
you and me
But my pain is gone
I no longer ache
for I took the time
I was able to take

Why does love,
Have to be such a task?
A hug and kiss should be given,
Without having to ask.
How do you know,
When you’re pushing too much?
Our souls we give,
In return for your touch.
The good ones seem,
To be the last in line
It’s our nature to want more,
Than a portion of your time.
We all have faults,
There’s no denying
When seen there we stand,
Alone and crying.
There’s so many tears,
I can possibly shed
Love should be laughter,
But leads to pain instead.
I give too much too soon,
Is all I can think
It’s over before,
I have a chance to blink.
There’s no one to blame,
I’ll take the fall
The saying is so true
“You can’t win them all”.

It was this very university from which she had graduated with a PhD in Jungian psychology two years ago. Coming back to York brought back so many memories, as if everything had just been a dream. He was everywhere, in everything, and yet he was nowhere. Everything in that building had a memory attached to it, that oak tree beside the entrance was where they had sat for hours arguing about the impact of the gulf war on International relations, that secluded corner behind the main rotunda was their favorite hunt. And room 3005, fifth room from the right when you entered through the library, was where she had first met Sameer (Sam to his colleagues). The second semester students that she was tutoring were an enthusiastic bunch. Full of dreams and of possibilities, of hopes and desires- their enthusiasm was contagious and Mira was ready to satisfy their curiosity for knowledge - at least as far as psychology was concerned. Sam was their tutor for Sociological Theory for their first semester and was pretty successful in inculcating his own theories of Socialism and Marxism. They were in the process of setting up Marxian society, and if they could rope him in the steering committee, it would lend legitimacy to their efforts, “Sam, you should come by our Young Marxian club, in fact, we were planning a seminar or synopsis as our official annual event, and we would very much like you to present it’’.
‘Yeah why not, if I can be a card-holding member, then I get to call you comrades and to quote Marx and maybe come up with my own version of the communist manifesto or even a red book, like general Mao. That sounds interesting. And hey wait a minute, I can even scare kids by telling them, I know a bunch of commies.’ He chirped.
His dashing dark looks, his 6 foot + height, well-maintained beard, and his lively eyes behind black-rimmed glasses gave him an intellectual look. He looked very much like the leftist that he was. His sarcastic remark suggested arrogance even haughtiness, to someone who did not know him. In fact he was quite successful in making his new acquaintance intimidated by his presence.
‘No, really, I think it is a great idea, and sure I will see if I can arrange a few speakers for the synopsis’ he added as an afterthought. [The air of condescension that he mastered was part of his charm.]
The second remark came as a surprise to her; she was actually intrigued by his ability to sound sarcastic and sweet in a spilt second. There was something volatile about him, his smile that seemed to come as an afterthought. The curious cocktail that his personality provided, was just an added incentive, she always liked to analyze people, sometimes out of curiosity, and sometimes as a force of habit. He seemed to present an interesting challenge to that analysis. She had never found arrogance to be fascinating but his subdued arrogance and powerful voice was an instant charmer. Funny, he reminded her of one of Jane Austin’s character, Mr. Darcy, from “Pride and Prejudice.” What if he too has no false pride? She thought to herself.

‘I think that Jung’s fascination with the mandalas was more of an oriental fascination, it supported so much of his evolutionary outlook…’
There was a knock on the door, while she was discussing her thesis with her Guide, Dr. Jaitly.
‘Yes?’
The saturation of authority in that voice would drive away most people, she thought to herself “this person better know what they are doing”.
Sam walked in half apologetically,
‘I can come in later, if you are busy’.
Dr. Jaitly looked at Mira, as if to direct the question to her.
‘No, we are almost finished; I just came to drop my work. I was just leaving.’ Relieved to be able to leave early.
She was half way to the stairs when he caught up with her.
“Sorry for cutting your meeting short…I believe we have met, but we have not been introduced,
I am Sameer” he extended his hand.
“Hello, I am Mira”.
“So are you Dr. Jaitly’s new protégé?”
“I am under her supervision, if that’s what you mean.” She replied rather defensively.
“Hmm”
“What?”
“Nothing, did I say something?”
They didn’t seem to have any thing to say and the silence between them was becoming awkward.
“I have to pick up a few books from the library, Nice meeting you”. She turned to go towards McPherson hall.
“Nice meeting you too, enjoy your books.”
He was a PhD candidate and was working on his thesis ‘Marxian ideology and its impact on the organization of labor in automobile industry’ then. He was rather a leftist in a predominately right-wing environment, but he seemed to enjoy the attention this generated.
He loved to teach and was much loved by his students. “My class seem to be your big fans, they take your words so seriously”, Mira once mentioned to him. It was that point of their friendship where that remark would not sound flirtatious.
“That’s not what I want, I want them to think for themselves”.
“That they do, don’t they?”
“I doubt it sometimes, the media dictates what they think, even the books they read are either recommended by Oprah’s club or some movie that is promoted on TV 24 hours. If they can’t even decide which book they want to read, I say it won’t do them much good to read it”
“They are young and the media is so powerful can you blame them?”
“Yeah, you are right” from the sound of his affirmations she knew he just said that to end a futile argument. He was always the critique but such an understanding one. Sameer was something of an enigma. It was so difficult to please him, and yet so simple. “You know Meera, I know I can’t change this world, but I still feel that there is hope, and I see that hope in my students”.
It was the new bust of Mahatma Gandhi that they had placed in the McPherson Library that she walked into that brought her back to the present. Everything was the same; it was hard to believe that her world had changed so much.
It was inevitable to meet Dr. Jaitly, and she thought it was best if she went to meet her rather then bumping into each other at one of the seminars. She knocked the door softly, and entered. Dr. Jaitly was ready to go to her class. After staring at each other for a while, searching for the right words to say. Mira could see the change in Dr. Jaitly’s eyes, the sadness written all over her face, lines on her face was darker and the darkness under her eyes even more pronounced. ‘I am sorry,’ that’s all she could say to her before emotions betrayed her composure. There are no right words to say at certain occasions; just want comes out from the heart. A curious mix of feelings- anguish, hatred and finally sympathy, contoured her face. With her trembling lips and overflowing eyes, she was finally able to melt a women, who had always seemed formidable. That woman, that renowned professor, looked so vulnerable tonight. She finally accepted that Mira was a very important part of her son’s life. And the only other person in this world who loved Sameer, perhaps even more then she loved him. If only she could turn back the clock… Looking back, there was no obvious reason to not like her except that she was getting too much attention from Sameer. Their love for the man, who was the center of their universe, once responsible for their enmity, it had finally brought them closer, the cycle of life seems to have come full circle.
‘Where are you staying?’ she asked her, almost hesitantly.
‘At the rez’.
‘Could you come over tonight perhaps, …or if you feel uncomfortable, we can meet in my office tomorrow, whenever you have time’.
‘Tonight, at 7?’
It was strange; the authority in her voice had totally disappeared. The women she had always assumed to be strong and formidable, was now the personification of loss. Sameer was the only family she had, her only son. She felt partly responsible, not for his demise but for making his life a little more painful.
As Mira walked towards Dr. Jaitly’s apartment, she wondered how, she could have let herself into this. Why couldn’t she have left things the way they were. She had a strange feeling about this trip, she did not want to come, but then, it was her major, paper presentation, a good excuse to convince her that it was ok to go, that it had nothing to do with Sameer. And it had been two years; she thought that was time enough to let bygones be bygones. Moreover, as a psychologist she knew that to run away from realities is to prolong the problem, sometimes to face them is the only way to get over them. Everything had failed, and this looked like a viable option. Since the last time she came from here she had turned more philosophical then before, time and circumstances do have that effect on people. She decided to go and confront her feelings, how difficult would it be to go back to a place saturated with memories?
As she knocked, she realized that perhaps this is the last time she will walk into that apartment, it was as if things were taking place in a predetermined way, as if destiny was taking over. She was apprehensive about what Dr. Jaitly might have to say, but that was not her major concern right now. Her ability to handle anything with grace was.
The apartment, which was so tastefully done, now reflected the sorrow it had seen. Strangely, even material things have a way of expressing feelings.
“Thank You for coming, I know it is difficult for you”, Dr. Jaitly tried to break the ice.
This is the first time she explicitly acknowledged that Sameer was important to Mira. Had she accepted that a few years ago, things might have been different. But then there are no guarantees in life, if hadn’t been for her, they would have encountered something else to tear them apart.
‘Sam was aware of his condition for about six months, but he hide it from everyone, even from me until three months before…”
“I asked him to tell you but …”.
Hearing those words was surreal. “It has to be a nightmare, no this can’t be true, this can’t be happening,” she thought to herself.
“I am not betraying him, Mira, am I? I am his mother, I knew of his needs more then he knew of them himself”. She looked up at the ceiling, trying so hard to fight back the tears.
“He probably wanted to save us the pain”. Mira finally said something.
Her words had a soothing effect on Dr. Jaitly.
“There is something I have to give you”, she went into Sameer’s room, and brought a brick-red hardbound journal. She took out an envelope and handed it to her. “I found this in his journal, I think he would like you to have it.”
Mira took the envelope; it had “Sameera” written on it. He would call her Sameera when he was in one of his mushy moods.
They talked about trivial things like the weather, to bring some normalcy in their conversation. But it was difficult to sustain that conversation too long.
She got up to leave.
They were both aware of each other’s prejudices. It wasn’t easy being a psychologist; the perpetual judgment of people and of oneself was emotionally exhaustive. To know, or at least to believe to know, what the other person is thinking, especially about you, can be agonizing and even more so if you know that they are mis-judging you. But to confront those people would be to deny them their right to privacy. Nobody has the right to deny anyone the liberty to make their own judgments, and form their own opinions, even if it actually means the liberty to make mistakes.
In her state of mind it was difficult to imagine how she reached her rez room. She closed the door, and headed straight to the bed. She took out the letter, pressed it against her lips. “Sameer…” her tears blurred her vision, but the words on that piece of paper were too strong, too important to miss their meaning.
My Dearest Mira,
That look on your face, haunts me everyday, I don’t know if I have done the right thing or not, as you know I am human and continue to make mistakes, although I don’t have much time to make amends, I feel I need to unload some of this guilt before I … I lied to you when I said that I need a breather, that your love and constant presence in my life restricts me, that I need to meet and see other people, in other words when I lied to you about not loving you. What I wanted to do most at that moment was to hold you in my arms and freeze time, but what I told you to do was leave me alone. Believe me Sameera, it was more difficult saying those words to you, and then waiting for the inevitable. After that day, waiting for inevitable was not too difficult. And when it does get unbearably painful, and even the effect of morphine begins to dwindle, your image, of me brushing your soft lustrous hair from your face and you hiding your face in my shirt still brings a smile on my lips. What I felt for you, that day in fact everyday, the intensity of the emotion, made me feel so alive, and now the thought of never meeting you again, is so mortifying. At times I do feel selfish, and I want to pick up the phone (which I have so many times) and tell you the truth, to share my fears and my feelings with you, but then I think that, I don’t want you to seem me so vulnerable and pathetic. I would rather have you think of me as the Sameer you knew in happier days, so that whenever you think of me, you would think of me as I was and not the invalid that I have become. Mira, you know I hate goodbyes, and I always avoided them, I never knew why I hated those words, but I guess I know now. I want to see you one last time and tell you that I love you. There was so much I want to do and say, the least of which is to say, I am sorry, that I did not keep my promise to you. Meeru, I know you never will but if you ever feel wanting in love just remember that, I love you…and will do so forever.
Yours,
Sameer.

The man was thin and leathery, he looked like he had lived all the centuries and came out on top but his face was very white and his cheeks were sunken in. He had long bright orange hair and the left side of his face wore a black eye patch. Around his neck was tied a light blue scarf with white dots and he wore a chequered shirt, almost similar to the minimalist art of Mondrian or Malevich. With two silver bracelets on his right wrist and bright red jeans, the man walked through to his podium stand, which he had spoken very rarely on. The auditorium seemed incredibly vast and silent, as people filed slowly and languidly in the hall. As they seated and were darkened the voice announced;

‘I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve called you all here this morning.
Well, you see, I’m not entirely satisfied with your performance lately,
I’m afraid your work’s been slipping and I’m afraid I have been thinking of letting you all go. Oh I know you’ve been with the company for a long time now. One million years, my word, doesn’t time fly? I remember the day you commenced employment, swinging down from the trees, fresh-faced and nervous, bones clasped in your bristling fists ” where do I start, sir?” You ask despondently I recall my exact works “there is a pile of dinosaur eggs over there, youngsters” I said, smiling fatherly. Well we’ve certainly come a long way since then haven’t we? And yes you’re right; in all that time you haven’t missed a day. Well done, Thou good and faithful servants. Also, please don’t think I’ve forgotten about you’re outstanding service records, or about all the invaluable contributions that you have made to the company. Fire, the wheel, agriculture, it’s a pretty impressive list to begin our journey with. Don’t get me wrong, but to be frank we’ve had are problems too. There’s no getting away from it. Do you know what I think it all stems from? It’s your basic unwillingness to get on with the company. You think you don’t need to face any responsibility or to be your own bosses. You’ve been given plenty of opportunities. Time and time again we have offered you the promotion and time and time again you just turned us down, your excuse ” I couldn’t handle the work guv’nor you sulk ” I know my place”. To be frank you’re not trying are you? You see our society has been standing still for far to long, and it is starting to show in your work. I might add, in your general standard of behaviour, ever since that business with the snake in the garden the constant bickering on the factory floor has been all too apparent or the recent bouts of rowdiness in the staff canteen. Some of those poor black people hardly seem to get any food at all. Then there are of course the disturbing rumours about your personal lives. No, never you mind who told me, no names. I understand that in our society we are not able to get on with our companions. I hear that you argue. I have heard you shouting violence has been mentioned. I was distraught you always hurt those who you love, always the ones you shouldn’t hurt at all. And the children, it is always the children who suffer, as you’re well aware. What are they going to make of it? What are they going to make of your petty bullying, your desperation, your cowardice and all your narrow-mindedness, leading to racist, dogmatic violence? Really is it good enough? No. It’s no good blaming the drop in work standards upon bad management either. Though to be sure the middle management is bad, very bad, infect the managements terrible! We’ve had through the company’s history a string of embezzlers, frauds, liars and lunatics making a string of catastrophic decisions. This is a plain fact. But who elected them? It was you! You appointed these people! You gave them the power to make the decisions for you! You let them wield the stick! While I’ll admit that anyone can make a mistake once and then twice, to go on making the same errors century after century seems to nothing but deliberate. You have encouraged these people these malicious incompetents, who deceiving you, have destroyed not only you’re working lives, but your self-respect. You accepted them and their orders, without questioning their carnage. You allowed them to fill your workspaces, to ruin your lives with dangerous and unproven machines. All you had to say was No, you could have stopped them, and mankind has no spine and no pride. You’ve heard this all before. But you shouldn’t have to hear it again! Each time you hear the words, walk out afterwards and forget, throughout history, we forget, let us forget you say, walk away from it all and you’re still there in the darkness. Lets take couple of examples of what I mean from mid 2002. That seems like an interesting date, the change to a new millennium. We might have expected great things, more liberal and humanistic management but what have we got?
Prosperity in the west, poverty in the third world still! I told you all before in this company you have been given free will, you keep telling me, if I was doing my job properly there wouldn’t be any starvation but you can’t have it both ways free will and me doing your job for you, but how can that be, when there is plenty of food, for everyone if it was planned by different branches, there would be no starvation, natural disasters are beyond control of anyone and I’ve told you time again not to put your workers in high-risk areas just because they save money. I think this the biggest problems, in the ways our different branches are run. Education is another big problem within our branches, you seem to think that the white-skinned amongst us are more intelligent, I keep telling you black, brown, yellow or even blue or green if you can find one! Can reach the heights of knowledge and independence. We are now in the 21st century, if things don’t start to change they will stay as they are and if we don’t start working together as one branch and put are differences aside we will fall into a deep recession and a new dark age will show its face once more. And I see it now, you swinging again from the trees asking what are we doing back here and I’ll reply, unless you want to listen to what I say you need to get more involved more with your different branches in and out of your normal work time, this company will be doomed and will end up as separate multi-nationals, who don’t work together, and will end up squabbling the next millions years, if we haven’t been extinct by then. I hope this will give you time to reflect on what has been said. That’s all I have to say thank you. But on consideration and looking at you now and seeing the look of incomprehension on your faces, you don’t understand! And so after a million years my word hasn’t time gone quickly, I have decided to disband the company.’ They knew it was no time to resume to their normal duties.

parched earth desert storms
lost dreams faded horizons
the pony gallops to nowhere
along the stairway made of straw

dark lit rooms golden moonlights
hooting owls ready to pounce
forgotten memories of worn out passion
empty reasons long lost seasons

holed up in heaven cast out of hell
wolves howls in the distance
the fox hides in his hole
the road lost can be found but once

the pony trots to grass filled valleys
the owl blinks the night away
journeys endings about to start
The arrow is nothing without the bow

Light is a traveller,
Beyond perception,
We cannot use it,
Or choose it,
It chooses us,
Abuses us,
And we blame the person,
Created in our being.

Ladders to the sky,
They are sensitive and break,
Everyone knows,
A rocket will make the same mistake.

It was that one kiss that made me fall in love with you
It was that one touch that made me think of only you,
It was the sound of your voice,
The look in your eyes that made me think that
Everyday would bring a new surprise,
It was the things that you said
The way that you walk
That made me follow behind you and never talk,
It was just that easy to do the things that you said,
But it was just that hard to wish you were dead,
How would I know that it wasn’t true,
I gave all my heart, my soul and my love to you,
I trusted you, believed in you,
Put faith in our love, but now it’s through,
That faded love has now come true,
I loved you once, and you moved on,
I told you not to leave me but now you’re gone,
Now listen here I’ll say this only once
The next man to leave me, hurt me and do me wrong
Will soon be gone,
Because that faded love will not stay,
No more crying, asking the Lord why,
I won’t take it no more
I’ll just say goodbye to that long lost
Faded love.

By: Iesha Lynn Council